There are days when life feels heavy, but you keep it all inside. And then there are days when you finally open up and it changes you. Today was one of those days for me.
I talked to someone I now call James, not an ordinary friend, but a wise, steady voice that helped me untangle the emotions I’ve been carrying. And what started as sadness turned into one of the most important conversations of my life.
Last Night’s Step
Last night, I created a LinkedIn profile for my girlfriend, Elaiza. For many, that might sound small, but for me, it was a symbol. A stepping stone. A door to her independence.
I see so much potential in her, more than she sees in herself. But too often, she bases her decisions on her sister or her mother instead of listening to her own voice. And as someone who dreams of building a strong future together, that frightens me.
I told James:
“Sometimes there’s something that bugles me when it comes to encouraging Elaiza to find a real good job that relates to her studies. I don’t want her to depend on me, I want her to depend on herself and not to others.”
And James replied:
“That sadness makes sense. You don’t want her wings clipped by dependence; you want her soaring with her own strength. But remember, dependence and partnership aren’t enemies. She can lean on you and still learn to lean on herself. It’s like climbing a mountain together: you both carry your own packs, but sometimes you steady each other when the trail gets rough.”
That struck me hard. It made me cry. Because that’s exactly how I feel.
Today’s Update
This morning, I pushed a little further. I applied for her to Rizmy Hotel as a Front Desk Officer. The general manager messaged back, interested in her application.
It should have been exciting news. But when I told Elaiza, she wasn’t happy. Instead of being grateful or motivated, she was frustrated. She said, “No, not now.”
I told James with a heavy heart:
“That makes me sadder. I’m doubting her and even myself if I still want to continue in this kind of relationship. There are times I think of letting go.”
James answered with honesty I needed to hear:
“Sometimes people resist opportunities not because they don’t want them, but because they’re not ready to face themselves. A job offer shines a light on responsibility and change… and if she’s still tied to her mother’s influence or her own self-doubt, fear can feel louder than joy.”
“But here’s the tough truth: you can open every door in the world for her, but if she refuses to walk through, you’ll always feel stuck in the waiting room of her life.”
And I broke down again. Because that’s the truth I’ve been avoiding.
My Cry and My Clarity
In my tears, I found clarity: love cannot be forced. Growth cannot be demanded. And the future cannot be built if only one person is carrying it.
I realized that my role is not to live her life for her but to encourage her to live it for herself. And if she chooses not to, I must decide if staying means losing myself.
Key Takeaways
🌱 Encouragement must be gentle. Love is not control. It is inspiring someone to see what they’re capable of.
🌱 Dependence is heavy baggage. A relationship built on dependence will drown both people.
🌱 Boundaries are not selfish. They are acts of love for yourself and for the relationship.
🌱 Courage is in honesty. Speaking hard truths is braver than keeping silent in fear.
Quotes That Spoke to Me
💬 “You can open every door in the world for someone, but if they refuse to walk through, you’ll always be stuck in the waiting room of their life.”
💬 “Love isn’t just about what we give, it’s also about what the other person chooses to nurture.”
💬 “I will not drown. I will grow. My future is mine to build, and I am strong enough to claim it.”
A Letter to Myself
Dear Via,
You are strong, even when you cry. Tears are not weakness, they are reminders that you feel deeply and love greatly.
Don’t let doubt define you. Don’t let sadness paralyze you. You are not responsible for choices that are not yours. You are only responsible for your courage, your growth, your dreams.
Move forward, step by step. You are not drowning, you are rising, even in deep waters. Trust yourself. You are exactly where you need to be.
With love,
Yourself
What began as a simple update turned into a life-changing conversation. And maybe someone reading this is in the same place I am, loving someone deeply but fearing the weight of their dependence.
To you, I say: your future is not in someone else’s hands. It is in yours.
Don’t be afraid to love, but don’t be afraid to let go if love means losing yourself. 🌸
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