🌧 Drowning in Silence, Saved by Love 🌈

 The past few days have felt… heavy.

You know those moments when everything seems quiet, but in your heart, there’s a storm? That was me. I’ve been feeling like I’m drowning. Drowning in fears, in doubts, in silence. And maybe the saddest part? I couldn’t even see what I was swimming towards. No medals, no trophies, not even a small moment of “Wow, I did something today.” Just me, floating in uncertainty wondering if I’m still on the right path.

Our visa application is still hanging in the balance. We're waiting. Hoping. Praying. Every day, Elaiza and I are counting not just our pesos, but also the days, the sacrifices, and the courage we’ve poured into this journey. Budgeting has become our daily battlefield not just against numbers, but against fear itself. “Will we make it?” “What if we don’t?” Questions like these echo in my mind before I sleep, and again the moment I wake.

And then came Father's Day.
You’d think it would be a day of warmth and joy. But instead, I felt small. I had nothing “special” to give to Papa. No gift, no big gesture, just a few essentials. Not even close to what he deserves.

I looked at him strong, quiet, patient and felt the weight of all that he has given me. And I… I couldn’t give anything back. I whispered, “I’m sorry, Pa.” Sorry that I couldn’t hand you anything wrapped in ribbon. Sorry that sometimes I feel so inadequate, even if I work long hours and earn more than you probably ever did in a month. Still, I feel like I have nothing to show for it.

I told him in my heart, “One day, Pa. One day, I will give you more than what you gave me. Because what you gave your strength, your love, your presence those are priceless. I want to give you comfort. I want to give back to Mama. To Aleck. To all of you who stood by me, even when I was unsure of myself.”

I love you, Papa. Even if I’m hard-headed, even if I don’t always say it. You, Mama, and Aleck you are my why.

Yesterday, I couldn’t face them.
I felt like a failure.
But then Aleck came to me. And like he always does, he pulled me out of my darkness with just a few words and a smile.

“It’s okay. It’s part of the phase. It’ll wash out. Trust me :) <3”

 

Oh, my dear brother. You don’t know how much I needed to hear that. Thank you for not giving up on me, for being my constant cheerleader when I can’t even lift my own chin. You remind me that love doesn’t need loud declarations sometimes, it’s just quiet understanding and presence.

Even Elaiza and I had a rough patch.
Yes, we argued about budgeting. Again. Mehehe.
But hey, no perfect couples, right?

It hurt. But it healed, too. That’s the strange beauty of love. Sometimes, it doesn’t bloom in candlelit dinners or romantic gestures. Sometimes it grows silently, stubbornly in the middle of a disagreement, in the willingness to listen again after walking away, in the whispered “I’m sorry” and the gentle “Let’s fix this.”

And I realized…
Love doesn’t begin at night.
Love begins in the morning when you choose to stay. Again. And again. And again. ❤️

And so, here’s what I learned and what I’m holding onto today:

1. It’s okay to feel like you’re drowning.
   But don’t forget: you’re still swimming. That means you’re still fighting. Still hoping. And that means something.

2. You are not your bank account.
   Your value doesn’t come from what you can give in gifts or money. It comes from the love you hold and the intentions you carry.

3. Arguments are not failures in love they are opportunities for deeper understanding.
   The strongest couples are not those who avoid conflict, but those who learn to come back to each other after the storm.

4. Even the smallest win is worth celebrating.
   Whether it’s a document received or a conversation healed they all matter. They’re all proof that you’re moving.

5. Talk to your family.
   Cry if you need to. Tell them you feel like a mess. You’ll be surprised how much love is waiting on the other side of your honesty.

Today, something changed.
A small victory.

We finally submitted the very last and final documents for our Canadian student visa application. Finally. After weeks of chasing requirements, after months of hoping and hundreds of prayers, today felt like one tiny step forward. A slow breath after drowning.

I finally got my Certificate of Employment. I almost cried when I held it in my hand. For something so official and formal, it carried so much emotion. Thank you to Ma’am Sheng and Ma’am Karen, your signatures weren’t just ink. They were acts of kindness that helped complete a dream.

I may not have it all figured out.
I may not have enough.
But I have faith, love, and the will to keep going.

And I believe…
That in three months, as we prepare to fly to Canada on the last weeks of August, I’ll look back at this moment and say,

 

“This was the chapter that made me stronger. This was the beginning of everything.”

 

Dear God, please hear us. Please guide our steps, light our way, and carry our dreams in Your loving hands.

We are walking by faith, not by sight.
And I believe, I truly do that joy is coming.

💌 To anyone out there who feels like they’re drowning too, you’re not alone. Breathe. Keep going. There is light ahead, even if you can’t see it yet.

With all my heart,
Vianie